Long Winter Nights
by spoodle monkey
Summary: Mornings are the worst because they are filled with hope that threatens to rise up and choke them until they're left gasping for breath they cannot find. Jimmy/Bo


Disclaimer: Nope, don't own.

* * *

Bo stands at the window, hands braced on the wooden frame, gaze distant as he takes in something Jimmy cannot see. Snow is falling softly outside, winter is just beginning with Christmas around the corner and Jimmy can feel it in the chill that permeates the room. Cold air hits his bare shoulder and he pulls the blankets, warm with body heat, higher. He watches for a long moment as Bo stands, still and loose at the window.

Jimmy suspects that if he were to go stand exactly where Bo is standing now, there would be indents in the floor, fitting to Bo's feet and dwarfing Jimmy's. This has become their routine.

Mornings are the worst because they are filled with hope that threatens to rise up and choke them until they're left gasping for breath they cannot find. Jimmy stays still in the bed and studies the other man if only to hold onto the precious silence for a little bit longer.

The other side of the bed still smells strongly of Bo and is still warm, so he can't have been standing there too long.

The sun is rising over the winter world outside and it's time to get up if he wants to make it to his class.

Part of him would rather stay in bed all day. Or longer.

"Come back to bed." Jimmy murmurs, sitting up and feeling the cold air hit his skin.

Bo jerks, as though broken out of his trance and turns with a small smile on his face.

"You have English today." He opens his arms and Jimmy crosses the room to him, lets himself be wrapped up and nuzzles at Bo's neck playfully. "_That_ I remember."

Jimmy nips lightly at the skin of Bo's neck, restrains himself from trying to mark Bo as his and then tilts his head, getting a lazy, warm, _good morning_ kiss.

"I could skip. Its just review." Bo gives him a look.

They get dressed in the bedroom. They eat breakfast together, feet bumping under the table and talking about the weather (a drastic change from LA), or Ellie's wedding in the spring or just letting the silence wash over them, comfortable.

"I'll be back at two." Jimmy promises. Bo leads him to the door and helps man handle him into his thick, brown jacket. He's never needed a coat this warm before; the soft fur lining is comforting. "And I'll have my phone on." Bo hands him his bag, smallest of smiles breaking through his mask. "If you need _anything_, even if you might not think it's important,"

"Jimmy!" Bo breaks through his tirade, hands on his shoulders. "I'll be fine. I swear I'll call if I need anything."

"Anything?" Jimmy asks doubtfully. Bo nods, laughs softly and kisses him quickly. Then he herds him to the door, tugs the zipper on his jacket up as high as it will go and watches him go.

Jimmy climbs into Bo's car and watches the other man standing in the doorway in the rear view mirror until he turns the corner and their home is out of sight.

DI

The time between the accident and the time when Bo wakes up rates is the scariest period of Jimmy's life. And this is beating out the time with the werewolf and the time with his softball tryouts in grade six.

The doctors warn them about what could happen, tells them it may either be a matter of time or not at all. They go into great detail and Jimmy grabs each positive reassurance and hides them away, deep within his heart in a safe, protected spot. He thinks it's where the wolf resides in him.

"Hello." Bo looks up as the door opens. But it looks nothing like the other man. He's pale, as pale as the sheets he lays upon, with dark circles under his eyes. There is a large, sterile bandage wrapped around his head, covering chestnut brown locks.

"Hey." Jimmy manages to say but it sounds strained. He looks over his shoulder for his sister but she's out in the hall with the doctor still.

"So." Bo says and Jimmy realizes he's hovering. He quickly crosses the room and throws himself down in the visitor's chair next to the bed. "They won't tell me anything."

"I don't think they really know what happened." Jimmy says and thinks about _werewolves_ and the supernatural and how sick and tired he is of LA. "It was an animal attack."

Bo raises an eyebrow.

"A big one." Jimmy continues, wiping damp palms on his jeans. "Like a…wolf."

"Oh." Bo says and frowns, squints his eyes into the distance as though he's trying to remember. "So," He says again. "Who are you?"

Jimmy tries to breathe but it feels like he's been punched in the gut.

"Jimmy." He says. "My name is Jimmy."

DI

Ellie moves in with Richard, a doctor from the hospital she's been dating for months. They get engaged in the fall. Jimmy likes Richard; he seems like a nice, _normal_ guy who doesn't question why his fiancé and her brother have some strange habits. Like, sniffing people or an obsession with _biting_.

She doesn't want to leave him but Jimmy has had a half formed plan in his head for awhile and now is as good a time as any to implement it.

Bo's parents seem _relieved_ to have Jimmy take him off their hands. It makes him sick. It makes the wolf want to claw to the surface and tear them apart for treating his…_something_ this badly. Bo can still do everything for himself, he doesn't need their help, he just can't remember.

Together they pack up Bo's possessions, load some of the boxes and bags into Bo's car, the others into a moving truck with Jimmy's and then drive.

Ellie and Richard make the trip with them and the three cars form a parade driving down the empty highway.

The new house is in a small rural town, hours away from hot weather and unexplained animal attacks and LA. It's a two-story home bought with the sale of the home he and Ellie had grown up in and with some of their savings. It's his and Bo's _home_ now. The white paint is faded and one of the steps creaks ominously when they walk up the porch but Jimmy can fix it up easily. He finds he's excited about the prospect.

Richard and Ellie start directing the unloading of the boxes and furniture while the new occupants of the house step inside.

"What do you think?" Jimmy asks nervously.

He doesn't want Bo to feel pressured by all of this, is terrified that Bo is going to realize this is a mistake and demand to go back to LA.

Bo reaches out, grasps Jimmy's hand and squeezes.

"I think it's great."

DI

They spend long evenings in the living room, on the couch, Jimmy sitting while Bo sprawls out resting his head in Jimmy's lap. The lights stay off, save for the lamp next to the couch. Some nights they watch television or a movie, other nights they light the fireplace and just soak up the atmosphere.

Tonight the lamp stays on and Jimmy balances his textbook on the arm rest of the couch, chewing half heartedly on a pencil while his other hand brushes distractedly through Bo's hair.

Bo for his part is sound asleep, long eyelashes smudges on his face and lips slightly parted.

Bo loves the warmth from the fireplace, loves being warm in general. Sometimes Jimmy feels guilty about taking him away from the place they had lived their entire lives. Sometimes he doubts himself and wonders if Bo wouldn't have remembered everything by now if they had stayed in LA.

But then he remembers the attack, remembers his own attack and tells himself that they had to leave.

Bo shifts restlessly on the couch, murmurs softly and buries his head deeper in Jimmy's lap.

He stops chewing on the pencil and his hand stills as he glances down at the sleeping man. He can see Bo's eyes moving restlessly behind closed eyelids.

Jimmy brushes some stray strands of hair off of the other mans forehead and whispers reassuring nonsense and hopes that it will work. One thing that has become apart of their routine is nightmares- for both of them.

But Bo jerks and curls in on himself, twisting as the nightmare worsens. Jimmy jerks back and just misses a flailing hand headed for his face.

"Bo." He shakes the other man and watches, as he starts awake. Brown eyes blink slowly, dart around the room and relax as they come to rest on Jimmy's face.

"Bad one?" Bo asks and pushes himself up so he's sitting, leaning against Jimmy's side.

"Yeah." Jimmy wraps an arm around him and drags him closer. "What was it this time?"

Bo sucks in a breath, eyes falling shut momentarily.

"Wolves." He murmurs, low and desperate.

Jimmy forces himself not to tense and pulls Bo even closer and presses a kiss to the brown locks.

"It's just a dream." He says.

"Are you sure?" Bo asks, meets Jimmy's eyes and Jimmy thinks _this is it_, this is where he tells Bo about werewolves and the supernatural and why they left LA and Bo _remembers_.

But what comes out is,

"I'm sure." Because the truth is sticking in his throat and he doesn't want Bo to run because of monsters.

DI

Something wakes him in the middle of the night when the moon is high in the sky, almost full, what's left of the wolf clawing inside of him for some way to escape. Shadows slide across the room but he can see as clear as day.

Bo lays on the other side of the bed, blanket hiked up high over his shoulder and tucked under his chin to ward off the cold. There's barely any space between them but it feels like miles.

Brown eyes blink at him, troubled and clouded.

"What are you doing awake?" Jimmy breaks the silence and clenches his hand in the sheet to stop from reaching out. They lay on their sides, mirroring each other.

"You talk in your sleep sometimes." Bo says so quietly that he almost misses it.

"What about?" Jimmy's heart skips a beat and he has to force the words out, to sound casual.

"About wolves." Bo's voice is soft in the room and he cannot tell if there's any anger to it. "About animal attacks." He pauses. "About me leaving."

Jimmy opens his mouth but he isn't sure what to say.

"Jimmy," Bo sits up and the blanket falls. Jimmy wants to reach out and pull it back up, cover Bo because he must be feeling the chill that lingers in the room. "Tell me the truth about that night."

Jimmy closes his eyes. He can see the restaurant where they went on their second date, can see the long stretch of sidewalk right by the woods. The wolf inside him senses it before he does but it's all a blur and he's trying to protect Bo from the other wolf but he's not _really_ a werewolf- and he remembers how it felt like the ambulance took _hours_ to get there and all the blood and-

"Okay." He says. He takes a breath. Opens his eyes and the images stop. And all he can see is Bo, maybe a little broken but so beautiful as the moonlight bathes him and so _alive_. "Okay." He says again.

DI

One morning he wakes to the smell of bacon cooking. The other side of the bed is empty, sheets cool.

Jimmy dresses, grabs the textbooks he'll need for class and his uniform for work and carries the pile downstairs, dropping it in the living room before heading for the kitchen.

"Morning." He murmurs sliding up behind Bo, wrapping his arms around his waist and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "What are you doing up so early?"

Bo scoops some bacon onto a plate and balances it on the counter, leaning into Jimmy's embrace. He hasn't had bacon since back in LA. Bo had never asked for it and Jimmy had never bought it- but he loves the stuff.

"It seemed like a day to celebrate."

"And why's that?" Jimmy asks, nuzzling Bo's neck, content. Bo shrugs and laughs when he finds a particularly ticklish spot.

"Just because." Is his answer. Jimmy laughs; Bo's good mood is contagious. He pulls back, grabs one of the other mans hands and spins him around until they're chest to chest, dancing to the radio quietly playing in the corner.

"We should go out to dinner to celebrate our day." Jimmy says and Bo spins him. "Maybe some dancing."

"I thought we were dancing." Bo shoots back humour lacing his voice. Jimmy smirks and dips Bo gracefully; Bo barely weighs anything in his arms thanks to the wolf inside of him. "And," Bo pulls him close again to whisper against his ear. "I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" Jimmy grins hands sliding down Bo's back and into the back pockets of his worn jeans. Bo groans and presses back into the touch, head falling to rest on Jimmy's shoulder.

"Yes." Bo says, a little breathlessly. The sound does all kinds of things to Jimmy that is going to make it difficult to get to class on time. "But _later_."

Jimmy pouts a little as Bo pulls back and a plate of bacon is presented to him. He leans against the counter and eats, shoulder bumping Bo's. The plate ends up in the sink, to be washed later he insists when Bo starts to protest and his texts and uniform end up in his backpack. Bo follows him to the door like he does every morning, before he gets on with his day working at the family owned restaurant a few blocks over, to see Jimmy off to his college classes.

But today as Bo helps Jimmy with his coat and bag the smile he wears his huge like he has a huge secret and is holding it inside as long as he can. Jimmy can't wait to find out.

Bo leans in to kiss him and the intensity of it is shocking. Their teeth clack together as Jimmy fists his hands in Bo's hair and hands settle on Jimmy's waist. They're pressed so close together that he doesn't think anything could separate them and still he wants to be closer. Bo's back hits the wall and Jimmy feels it through the kiss, feels it in the way that their lower halves are pressed tighter together.

"Jimbo," Bo lets his head fall back against the wall, breathless and laughing and amazing. "You have to get going."

Jimmy whines against Bo's throat, hands drifting down and resting on Bo's thighs.

"I can be late." He licks and nips and lets his hands wander higher, but Bo squirms out of his grasp, still laughing softly, eyes sparkling.

"Later." He promises. "To _celebrate_. We can even skip dinner if you want."

Jimmy grins and leans in for another kiss, a quick one because then Bo is turning him around and gently pushing him towards the door.

"Oh, Jimbo!" Bo calls from the door as Jimmy is getting into the car. "If you get the chance, we're out of milk!"

Jimmy promises to try and pick some up and drives off, smile still on his face. He's lucky, he thinks, to have this. Even if Bo doesn't remember what came before the accident, he thinks he's okay with it, okay with this being their life now. No- he's more than okay with it.

And _Jimbo_, he laughs softly to himself at the nickname, he hasn't heard it…- the grin slides off his face- he hasn't heard it in _months. _Since _before_ the attack.

Jimmy slams on the breaks and if it were LA he'd probably have caused a severe accident. But considering where they live he gets an angry honk from the only other car on the side road.

He has the car turned around as fast as he can, even faster to get back to the house.

Jimmy nearly drops his keys as he tries to jam them into the lock and then he's in the house, hoping, praying that Bo hasn't left for work yet.

"Bo!" He calls out a little desperately, tracking snow and slush into the house as he searches the first floor. "Bo!"

"Jimmy?" Bo appears at the top of the stairs, black work shirt hanging open. His face is furrowed with concern as he takes in Jimmy's state. Then he's hurrying down the stairs and Jimmy climbs the first two to meet him. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Jimmy tries to catch his breath but his heart is pounding so fast in his chest, it makes his head spin.

"Jimbo, come on- talk to me." Bo reaches out, cups his cheek and he looks scared. Jimmy never wants to see that look on Bo's face ever again.

"You _remember_." He breathes and a smile breaks across his face.

"What? I…" The concern melts off Bo's face only to be replaced with a smile just as bright as Jimmy's. "Yeah, I guess I do."

"For how long?" Jimmy takes Bo's hand in his own and sits them down on the stairs, Bo half dressed and Jimmy still in his winter coat.

"A week or so? Maybe more? Probably more. I wasn't sure if they _were_ memories or not. They just seemed like scattered dreams. But then I remembered how much you loved bacon and the name _Jimbo_."

Jimmy feels giddy with relief. He leans forward, rests his forehead on Bo's shoulder and breathes in his mates scent.

"I don't remember everything, I barely remember anything right now but it's coming back to me, a little at a time." Bo cards a hand gently through Jimmy's hair, soothing. "And I still don't remember my parents or LA but I remember _you_ and it does explain a few things."

Jimmy tenses slightly but there's no anger or fear in Bo's voice, only calm acceptance. His heartbeat is slow, steady in his chest.

"And I know I don't really say it but thank you." Jimmy lifts his head and Bo leans in, pressing a slow kiss to his lips. "Thank you for helping me, thank you for protecting me, thank you, thank you, thank you." A kiss is pressed to his forehead and then his nose and then his lips again.

Jimmy wants to say _I would do anything for you_, he wants to say _thank you for giving me this_, he wants to say a million things but he's smiling so hard it hurts and feels warm, happy, _loved_.

"I'm calling in sick to work." Jimmy says instead. "And I'm skipping class, you're calling in to work too. We're going to celebrate! Just the two of us, dinner, movie, whatever you want."

Bo grins and nods, tangling their hands together, standing and pulling Jimmy to his feet.

"How about we stay in?" He suggests. "Order some take out put on some music and _dance_."

Jimmy squeezes his hand. "I think it's perfect."


End file.
